Late mom saves medical compensation money for 16-year-old son, husband's new wife protests when he refuses to disclose how much he has saved: 'What my son has is not going to be shared'

It is only natural for a parent to want their child to have the best life that they can have, and much of the job that is parenting involves trying to ensure that. From teaching them to regulate their emotions healthily to making sure they know how to tie their shoes, there are a whole host of things that contribute to a kid's competency and well-being as they grow up.

One big topic that falls under the umbrella of parental support is finances. While it probably isn't a good idea to raise a child who is completely financially dependent on family, most parents want to give them a head start with money if they are capable of doing so. It can make the difficult transition to adulthood a lot smoother, and also, it is one of the few ways that parents can help their kids even after they're gone. The trouble lies in protecting that financial interest.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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    a man sits on a chair looking at a woman sits opposite him with her feet up on a couch
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  • One dad had his suspicions when his second wife demanded that he disclose how much money he and his previous partner had saved for her 16-year-old stepson before she passed. The mother of the teenager had made her husband promise that a certain amount of the compensation she received for a medical misdiagnosis would be saved for their child.

    The dad had two further children with his new wife, and she also had two other children from a previous relationship. She worried that the younger kids would not be as well cared for in terms of money as their older siblings and wanted the savings to be divided more equally. While the dad was happy to discuss what he saved for his son, he felt that the money from his mom was out of bounds. He wondered if he was being unreasonable.

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    My wife (40s) and I (40s) have a blended family. I have a 16 year old son with my late wife. My wife has a 13 year old daughter and a 12 year old son with her ex-husband and they share custody. We have a 4 and a 2 year old together.
    via Jimverseen
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    When my late wife was sick she told me she wanted a % of the compensation she was issued for her medical misdiagnosis to go to our son's savings. She also had a second savings account she wanted to add to it. This was on top of what the two of us had saved for him before her illness. I honored her wishes and I continued saving for our son's future. This is a promise I made to my late wife that I have stood by. I also promised I would protect it and make sure it was only ever for him, nobody else
    via Jimverseen
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    When my present wife and I started seriously dating we talked about what saving would look like for our kids if/when we married. She knew I had always saved as had my late wife. We didn't discuss how much either of us had saved for our existing kids but we agreed to an amount every month that would be saved for all three and this was talked about again when we had children together.
    via Jimverseen
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    Recently there has been a lot of stress on my wife. Her ex has refused to discuss my stepkids savings and if he pays anything or not. She also feels like we haven't been able to save enough every month like promised because it was just one thing after another. There are month's we've missed because of things beyond our control. Life stuff mostly like things breaking, etc.
    via Jimverseen
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    A few weeks ago my wife told me we should put all the cards on the table and discuss what all five kids have and decide how we proceed with making sure everyone gets what they need for the future. I told her I would happily discuss what I have saved for my oldest, but I would not be discussing the money left by his mom. She pushed back on it and said all the money should be taken into consideration. I told her we don't know what all the money is. I
    via Jimverseen
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    said our parents could be saving money for the kids' futures, her ex could have money for my stepkids, his parents could have money for my stepkids. We can't say for certainty what everyone will have at the end and it's only fair to discuss what she and I have and can save.
    via Jimverseen
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    She told me it sounds like I don't trust her. I responded by asking why she wants to know this so badly. By only talking about what we've saved we're on an even footing. She told me if we knew everything we could focus on the kids who will have less a little more. That our younger two are probably going to be the worst off long term and she would be open to combining all the money and dividing it. I told her I was not on board with that and what my son has from his mom is not going to be shared
    via Jimverseen
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    We argued about it but I refused to say. She feels like that's wrong when we're married. I told her it's not my money, nor is it her money or money that we can or should be accessing. It's from my late wife to our son and that's all there is to it. My wife said she feels like I'm keeping her in the dark and not trusting her with something important. She said it cuts her ability to fully engage in conversations we need to be able to have and decisions we need to make as a couple.
    via Jimverseen
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    Commenters agreed that the money was for his son alone.

    jprs29 If the amount is sizeable (and it sounds like it is) that money should have been put in a trust for your kid. If the money right now is just "ear marked" for your son it could be considered as part of your assets in case of a divorce.
    via jprs29
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    RoxyPonderosa My uncle took the money left to his children after my aunts passing, which she specifically left for her children. Now none of them speak to him. All three kids will never speak to their father again. He's a pariah, not allowed at family functions, and not allowed to see his grandchildren. All he has is his nagging wife. No family. Her children barely speak to them as well. Hope it was worth it.
    via RoxyPonderosa
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    Bitter_Animator2514 It's your son's money it's from his mother. Full stop end of story 4 out of your 5 kids have 2 parents Your wife sounds like she doesn't understand fairness NTA
    via Bitter_Animator2514
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    writing_mm_romance I can't help but wonder if she's done some digging and found a bank statement or something and feels like that money saved there should be divided among them all (including her). Stick to your guns here and keep a close eye on your wife, it sounds like she may be the type to start treating your son poorly because of this situation, and it wouldn't shock me if she started trying to guilt him into splitting the money or accessing it for her.
    via writing_mm_romance
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    Money does weird shit to people. Protect your son AND yourself.
    via writing_mm_romance
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    notpostingmyrealname Nope, NTA. That's his inheritance from his dead mother, and is not for anyone else. Is it possible she's been snooping and found out how much he has already? | find it odd she didn't care until recently, something sparked her drive to know.
    via notpostingmyrealname
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    Wiggly Top NTA. You said it, it's not your money, it's your son's, and she has no business in his finances beyond what you agree to put aside for each of your kids.
    via WigglyTop
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    It would be fair to sum up what you have both contributed towards saving for your kids over the time you have been a couple and dividing it equally between the kids, but it would not be fair to steal your son's inheritance from his mother. Her kids' father should be saving for them but if he's not that's the cards life dealt as sucky as it seems.
    via WigglyTop
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    MaryEFriendly Your wife knows exactly what she's doing. The moment you tell her is the moment she starts making plans for money that isnt hers. She will demand you split the money between all of the kids. Its none of her business and she doesn't need to know.
    via MaryEFriendly
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    Fit_Fly_9984 I honestly don't understand why your current wife feels entitled to money that was set aside by your late wife for your child. That money existed before the current marriage — it's not joint property, and it certainly wasn't intended for her or her children.
    via Fit_Fly_9984
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    It was meant for your son, from his mother. Trying to claim or divide it now isn't just wrong—it's greedy. That money should remain with the child it was meant for. Period.
    via Fit_Fly_9984
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    mediocre_much NTA. That money is for your son and him only.
    via mediocre_much
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    everyothenamegone69 It's a pretty simple concept, whatever money his mother left to him is only for him.
    via everyothenamegone69

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